9/11

On September 11, 2001, I was 16 years old. I had just begun my junior year of high school and when I first heard the news, I was sitting in my first class of the day. A classmate had gone to the library and had seen something about an attack in New York City on a TV. At that time, about 9:15am central time, there were few details, and the crisis was still unfolding. I remember the multitude of feelings; shock, fear, sadness, and just not knowing what to think. I remember how security at airports and other places like that tightened over night. I remember how other big cities in America braced for more possible attacks, fearing that New York City was just the beginning. I remember the days and weeks following that fateful day being full of so many unknowns. I remember the struggle to put all the pieces together, and figure out how the events of that day ever even came to pass.

I remember the the videos of people running from the giant dust cloud that formed as the towers fell, images of firefighters climbing over the debris, and the Budweiser commercial where the horses bowed in front of the Manhattan skyline. I remember the large American flag that was hung on the outside of the Pentagon and the heroism of the people on United flight 93. The pictures and videos and heroic stories still give me chills and bring tears to my eyes to this day; 16 years later. And I still have to look away when I see the Twin Towers in an pre-9/11 movie or TV show. It’s difficult to find the right words to say in regards to such a tragedy, and I know that mine do not do it justice but, they’re genuine; and I suppose that is the best anyone can do.

Let us not only fulfill the promise to never forget, but also, forever be committed to continue putting good into the world, in honor of the good that was taken that day.

911

Until next time,

The Texan

My Lions

I have discussed fear a little bit on this blog, and on my previous blog as well. By the way, if you’re interested its called “Hope, Faith and Star Wars” and can be found at hopefaithstarwars.com. Fear has always been a big limiting factor for me, I have many fears, and I imagine that I am not alone in that. But eventually one gets to a point in their life when they attempt to find the positive or the good that came from bowing down to fear, as in “how did I benefit from avoiding things that I am afraid of”. If you’re like me, and you too have gotten to that point, you may be struggling to find the aforementioned good.

Fear3

Now don’t get me wrong, fear on some levels is good. Fear is a necessary human emotion, because it stops someone from being reckless when they drive or encourages them to be cautious when things look a little dangerous. After all with out fear, the human race would have died out long ago. Fear becomes a bad thing when it crosses into worry, anxiety, or causes the person to give up or hold back. That, my friends, is when fear becomes a big waste of our precious time.

For my final project for my Myth and Ritual class, I analyzed a great story from the Middle East called “The Story of the Prince and the Lions”. The tale is about a prince who in order to prove that he is worthy to be king, has to face a lion; a task that will test his courage. The prince is afraid, so much so, that he decides to run from his destiny and build a new life else where. However, at the first refuge he learns that the surrounding forest is filled with lions and that everyday they attack anyone who is outside the walls of the large estate. So the prince runs again. At the second refuge, he is taken in by a group of Arabs who live out in the desert. A week after his arrival, the prince is asked go to the distant hills, kill a lion, and bring back its skin. This would prove that the prince has courage and would be valuable in a fight should the need arise. Unable to face such a task he runs yet again. At the third refuge, he discovers that the family who has taken him in have a pet lion. This lion is completely harmless, but the prince is so afraid that while listening to the lion walk the halls at night, he breaks into a cold sweat barely able to breath; while hiding in a dark corner. He then comes the realization, that running from his fear has proved impossible because it followed him each time he ran, and would continue to do so. He returns home ready to face his fear, come hell or high water. Much to his surprise, while standing face to face with the lion he discovers that the lion is tame, and even rubs up against his legs like a house cat. When the prince ran from his fear, all he found was more fear, but once he faced it, he got everything he ever wanted and then some. He also found that the task he had been so afraid of, really wasn’t that bad. His motto, which he had put on a sign and hung over the front door of the palace, became “Never run from the lion.”

lion3

This got me thinking about my own lions, the lions from my past, the lions that await me in the future, and ones that I face today. I think that putting something out in the open is a great way to deal with it, to make yourself accountable, and gives you the opportunity to benefit from some else’s wisdom, and encouragement. Today I will share with you some of my fears, with the hope that the act of sharing will encourage you to share your fears with someone, and will allow me to see my own fears in black and white.

  1. To start off a rather silly fear; ferris wheels. This does play into my slight fear of heights, although strangely enough I will ride roller coasters.
  2. Next up an irrational fear, fast moving ceiling fans.
  3. Getting a tattoo. This one is new because I had never considered  getting a tattoo until I watched the Captain America movies and discovered the awesomeness that is James Buchanan Barnes. What would I get? Bucky’s red star on my left arm right where his is. Why am I scared? Because tattoos hurt, and I don’t like needles. For real y’all, I endured the pain of childbirth head on (twice), because I was scared of the epidural needle.
  4. Going to New York City. I have always wanted to go to “The Big Apple”, so much history, so many restaurants, and so much of anything and everything. But its so BIG, and I am weary of big things. I won’t go to Hobby Lobby because its so big.
  5. Wasps, I got stung when I was a kid and it hurt like the devil y’all. Actually, this fear is pretty solid, I see no issues with it.
  6. Another irrational fear, creaky second floors or really second floors in general. A rule in our house is, “no running or jumping upstairs, because it makes Mommy nervous”. Connected to this is my slight fear of tall buildings. My husband and I went to Chicago several years ago, and we visited the John Hancock Building. I almost had a panic attack when I saw that the observation deck was on the 94th, 94th!!, floor. I made it up there, but I walked very gingerly and pretty much felt like I was going to throw up for a good ten minutes. But the point is, I’m glad a went, and I suppose that further solidifies my more than slight fear of heights.
  7. This one is the big one, failure. Fear of failure can prevent a person from, taking a risk, taking a chance, following a dream, and can leave them wondering, “what if?”. If I never ride another ferris wheel again, I won’t be sad, but giving into this fear; I can’t allow that to happen.

Do I know what the future holds? No. What will life after college look like? I’m not sure. Will my ideas for movies ever make onto the big screen? I don’t know. Could my awesome trip to NYC be a big fat disaster? It’s possible. Will that stop me? Never.

fear6

Until next time,

The Texan