Hopes Not Resolutions

Greetings dear readers! It seems as though spring has some what sprung, at least what this neck of the woods regards as spring. Here spring seems to mean that it rains some, the highs can be in the 50s and the sun shines, a little. Not ideal by any means but I guess we will have to take what we can get. Today it was rainy and kind of chilly but I did not have to wear two jackets, so suppose that is a step in the right direction. And Sunday, Sunday!, was ah-mazing, this girl was able to soak up some much needed vitamin D, plus we were finally able to break out the “outside toys” box. Absolutely lovely day! I am hoping that there will be more warmth in my future. So I can sit outside like this..

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A few days after New Years Day I posted on Facebook my hopes that I had for the new year, 2017. Now I called them hopes rather resolutions because I feel that resolutions can easily just sit on the surface, which is probably why so many go un-gained?, un-achieved?, un-gotten?, hmm…not sure what the proper term here would be but I think you’re picking up what I am putting down. But hopes. Hopes are felt much deeper, hopes are much more personal, and hopes have a certain amount of longevity to them. Here is my list, posted on Facebook on January 6th.

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I’ve been thinking about goal setting, both big and small. This year is still new and fresh, but an unknown. My goals have a lot to do with gaining some confidence, I don’t why I have so little confidence in myself; but I’ve got to break free of it. My husband and I both struggle with fear especially fear of failure, I guess we all do to some degree. To paraphrase a lyric from a song called “Failure” by Breaking Benjamin, “The only time you can truly fail, is if you bury the sunshine.” Well that was more stating what he actually meant. But the point is, I’ve got to stop doing that. I want to hold on to hope, to dream big, to see myself as worthy, to be brave, to be fierce, and to stop holding back.

By the end of 2017 I hope to:

1. Once again be able to do a bunch of push-ups, don’t have a set number yet but, in basic training I did 45 in 2 minutes.
2. Finally learn the words to “More Than A Feeling” by Boston
3. Earn my bachelors degree!
4. Have been to Canada.
5. Have gotten better at replacing self doubt with confidence, I struggle with this daily. Daily.
6. Learn how to play a song on the piano. Or songs.
7. Have gotten better at replacing fear of failing/the unknown with the willingness to try. As Dorothy Zbornak once said, “When taking risks in life, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But if you don’t do anything, then nothing happens.”
8. I have written fan fictions about Mass Effect and Bucky Barnes, also a unfinished screenplay called “Cambridge” (it’s just not in screenplay format yet); that no one has read, not even Chris. This year, I hope to change that.
9. Done something new, no idea what it would be. I guess it will find me.
10. Have de-cluttered and de-stuffed our house and our lives.

11. This one is unlikely but would be awesome! To have met one of my 3 favorite famous people: Colin O’Donoghue, Ben Burnley, or Sebastian Stan.

Dream big friends, never stop reaching. Our time on this Earth is short, and oh so precious, make it amazing!

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A few days ago the first quarter of 2017 came to a close and I posted an update on my progress, this is what I wrote..

The first quarter of this lovely year has come to a close, or you know it will at midnight…anyway. Earlier this year I posted a list of my hopes for 2017, and I thought I would give a quick update on my progress. I’ve made it to 20 push-ups (everyday), and hope to make to at least 30. I learned the words to “More Than a Feeling” by Boston. I will complete my last class in June and will be set to receive my degree in August! I have allowed my husband to read some of my writing, and posted my “Mass Effect” story onto fanfiction.net; which has been read by 29 people from 15 countries. The audience for “Winter and the Texan” has been growing slowly but surely, and my last post received positive feedback from someone who is a writer and filmmaker! I’ve been working on having more confidence in my abilities, and I’m excited to tap into life beyond the bachelors degree! Sadly however, I have yet to meet Sebastian Stan, Colin O’ Donoghue, or Ben Burnely; but the year is young! : ) Keep striving friends, your hopes are worth it!!

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If you have been feeling down lately, I get that. If you wonder what the future holds, I get that too. If you ever feel like something is out of your reach, or is something that just other people do, I completely understand. It is difficult to put yourself out there, to take a chance, to break into something that people say is hard to break into, but you’ll never know unless you try. Because you are talented, you are worthy, and your hopes can become reality. Just give them a chance, give yourself a chance. Every successful person has failed, repeatedly. Every journey begins with one step.

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Until next time,

The Texan

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Whew! That post was deep wasn’t it?! I think we deserve a little humor.

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